I Still Write About Fashion and Sometimes Politics
"A dream is a wish" to always be a soft, kind woman in a world full of self-aggrandizing assholes.
Who wouldn’t want to be “demure” or even “cutesy”? Not all the time, just sometimes.
If you want to, you can, and you should. I sometimes am, but like all women, I am also very layered—complex even.
As a woman, you are often asked to be able to do it all and be it all.
with a smile.
It cannot be done, and if it can be done, more power to you.
If, like me, you have been #BLESSED with a classic case of RBF, a flat tone (at times), and rarely like to fake excitement while also liking to keep to yourself unless absolutely necessary, you may be in for the surprise of your life.
To be soft but to take no shit is what often leads people to label you as a “bitch.”
I will take it.
Bitches have boundaries, self-worth, brains, and grit, and we do it all while facing everything else that life has thrown at us.
There was another black creator on here—her post was just on my feed for a split second—but she basically said that she wouldn’t allow people to see her angry. That was a trope I was not raised on: “To not give into the ‘angry Black woman’ stereotype.”
I was just sort of allowed to be myself, respectful of my elders, of course. I just marched to the beat of my own drummer, and if people said something, I took it at face value before internalizing it (most of the time). I internally thought about if the accusation stuck to my actual character and my nature—my heart and my intentions—if it didn’t, that was a projection from the other party. If it did, maybe it was something to look at.
Once, in a middle school girls' bathroom in 7th grade, a girl I had spoken to before a few times decided I was her target—casually yet aggressively calling me “bitch.” I still remember what I was wearing that day: blue swish pants (think elevated late '90s, not neon nylon) and a burgundy Old Navy fleece. I remember pausing at the sink as I washed my hands with the grainy pink soap out of the old soap dispensers from the ‘70s and '80s (in the year 2000, mind you)—and I thought, am I going to have to fight? Right here? In this bathroom? Against this girl who clearly wants to fight me?
We both would have had to sit in Saffle’s class (History) for the rest of the school year together (this could get awkward). As I reached for the brown paper towel, rolling the lever, I stared at her calmly, dead in the eyes, and said, “Yeah, well, it takes one to know one.” I walked out, heart pounding, but knowing that if she had wanted the fight, I would have fought—but as a result, I never had an issue with her again. She backed down.
As I have gotten older, I realized faking to be okay with a dynamic you are not okay with leads you to internalize your anger, which I refuse to do. It’s just something I have found to be very bad for your mental and physical health. Experts now say holding onto anger and resentment leads to autoimmune disorders.
I say that your anger is the first sign a boundary has been crossed. Look into it when you feel anger, discomfort, and any emotion, really.
Embrace it. Think things through, of course—but notice it come up.
If I have to be labeled a “bitch” because my boundaries or self-respect are questioned or tested, then that is how the cookie crumbles.
To be liked is to be unseen in many ways. Will she? Won’t she? She always does, so she will.
To be disliked is to be known. She won’t. She won’t. She won’t!
Bad Advice to 20-Somethings That Emboldens Fascism
Have you seen the hot take that was going around on TikTok before it got semi-banned? That “hot girls don’t have serious jobs”?
I assure you, hot women do have serious jobs.
They even have entire brains.
Hedy Lamarr—she invented WiFi.
Well — she invented “frequency hopping,” which helped to produce WIFI as we know it today.
To me, the culprits of this weird idea seem to be coming from older (late 20s-30s) women (giving bad advice to a younger generation out of spite).
Giving said advice has the potential to rob women of their full potential, aligning them with another person’s goals, dreams, and ambitions—silencing them into submission in ways that kill their souls a little every day.
So yeah, go ahead and tell the woman who is studying to be in STEM that because she is hot, she can only do fun things (not STEM).
SO. Incredibly. Dumb!
I have a cousin—gorgeous. Imagine a combination of Uma Thurman and Caitriona Balfe (stunning). She also used to model for a time after college. She is super smart (her field of study is levels above my IQ). Anyway, she went off to do print work and did an NY and Milan FW back in the early aughts and ended up hating it! She ended up deciding that it wasn’t for her and has a fantastic and vibrant and normal life—using her incredible and fantastic brain doing what she loves!!!!!
Guess what ? She still looks like a model and she’s also REALLY SMART! The limit does not exist!
Don’t give in to the hype! Live your life on your own terms!
You are allowed to try for things, and if you don’t like them, I give you permission to pivot. You don’t need my permission though—just do it!
Why Am I Writing This?
I can feel it in my bones.
Now is a pivotal time when other women are beginning to pressure other women into silence and submission due to patriarchal standards.
You’ll see it in the magazines, you’ll see it in fashion, films, and in your everyday lives.
You must resist if you feel those expectations don’t align with your soul.
I am telling you now, that to be disliked is to be known by at least yourself.
Fascism wants beige interior houses, organized, picturesque, one-race neighborhoods, workplaces, and countries.
It asks women to stop thinking for themselves and instead becomes about taking care of men, who are full-grown adults. Who babysit their own children, while the wife is sometimes allowed to go off and do something for herself — but then she owes him a favor!
Wild!
Patriarchy doesn’t want equal partnerships—it asks for indentured servitude with a ring, so abuse can become legalized.
It wants you to fake a happy, normal life so you don’t feel like you can talk to your friends about how terrible things get behind closed doors.
Obviously, I am being extremely dramatic—but do you see how being “the same” and not rocking the boat can erode your rights, personality, and agency?
Do I think marriage is a gift and beautiful? I do. When both parties respect it and each other.
But now that I am older, I can see how childish some men are and how women are expected to be shells of themselves for scraps. That is not always the case - I am going off of extremes to make a point.
Take it with a grain of salt.
Anyways, that was today’s post.
Just a rant and a rave.
Until next time!
Resist if the fascism persists!
xx,
Nikita